Random Just Random

Recently I 'm just resigned from my previous company . Yes I'm just resign.

Reason? After graduated, many thoughts come to my mind. What I'm going to be?

What type of job I want? Future? Money? Dream?

I'm quite confusing even crying alone during midnight. I leave my hometown alone and come KL this big city to start  my working life . This feeling is like when the first time I leave my home to study at kampar .I'm still remember very clearly the day before I leave my home I cry, sad, depress ,helpless of cause a little bit excited because finally escape form home and have freedom . Yet I'm still remember the 1st day my english lecturer asked me before what is the most different when u leaving your house? What you get?

My answer is freedom!!

After go through so many things , happy, sad, blessing . So many things suddenly squeezing in my mind. When you studying , u want go to work. But when you work , you realize that the working environment and reality is out of expectation . Culture shock? Colleague relationship ?

A big question mark always appeared in my mind. I hate loneliness , I hate to be alone . But sometime I felt like I want to be alone. When I'm lying on my bed especially at night, I will start thinking What I'm actually want? What I want to chase for? Chasing what I dream or Dream what I chased? Face the reality or continue build up my dream.

Reality is merciless. Sometime I felt like myself so useless and start looking my hand . How I going to use my change my world or make my dream.

I'm just can't do anything sometime when I want to do, but suddenly a devil side me appeared and poured me a big bowl of cool water and stop dreaming , you just nobody who you think you're?

Everytime I crying and feel so helpless who can be my guide? who will be the next who appeared in my life?

Who I'm going to be? 

Who am I?